Assess the Pee Situation

Bedwetting is a common problem. But every child (and every family for that matter) reacts to it differently. Take a few moments to evaluate the effect that bedwetting is having on you, your child, and your whole family. Knowing how much, or how little, everyone seems to be affected by it will help you come up with a treatment plan. 

Because 99% of children outgrow bedwetting, your child’s feelings should concern you more than the bedwetting itself. Is your child crying a lot and convinced he’ll have to give up his “big boy” pants for Huggie’s pull-ups? For every child that’s devastated by the bedwetting, there’s a child who’s totally unphased by it. The very worried child will need extra reassurance that there’s nothing wrong with them. With the carefree child, make sure they understand they should work on ending the bedwetting – but without converting them into a worrier.  Different parents have achieved different levels of “worry wart.” Some are world class heavy weights, others don’t even make the qualifying rounds.

Part of evaluating the problem is evaluating your own reaction to it. Does it keep you up at night or do you simply wash the sheets and forget about it? Has it had a minimal impact on your life or has it greatly interfered with your daily routine?  Make sure you’re taking the problem seriously, but ease up if you recognize that you’ve gone into panic mode. If the bedwetting has you massively stressed out, then you’ll need your own plan of action for handling it.  

The frequency of the bedwetting itself also deserves some attention. Some kids wet the bed nightly. Other kids may only do it a few times a month. The more frequently it occurs, the more aggressive you need to be in seeking treatment.

Is There Really a Problem?

Your child wets the bed one night and panic sets in. Did all that potty training come undone? Will I have a 17-year old that needs Depends? Take a deep breath, say “Om,” and remember that bedwetting is normal for young children. 

If your child is under the age of three, bedwetting is a particularly common problem.  

Toddlers have short little arms, tiny toes, and a teensy bladder to match! Seriously, though, at that age, a lot of children’s bladders aren’t fully developed. During the night, their body can produce too much urine for their bladder to hold. As the bladder develops, the bedwetting stops. 

Even children up to age five wet the bed occasionally, and it’s no cause for alarm.  

At this age, medication or a trip to the psychologist should be a distant thought. The scientific term for frequent bedwetting is “nocturnal enuresis.” Millions of children deal with enuresis, and only 1% of them carry the problem into adulthood.  

If your child is older than five, you’ll want to look at the problem more closely.  

Does bedwetting run in the family? If so, the problem will likely run its course and then go away. Learning what helped those family members overcome the bedwetting might help your child.  

Frequent bedwetting in older children might be a sign of a physical problem, some of which are quite serious.  

Unlike a newly potty trained two-year old, a seven or eight-year who wets the bed multiple times a week should see a doctor – not that anything’s necessarily wrong. You just want to be sure to rule out a urinary tract or bladder infection, among other pretty benign conditions. For many children, a period of bedwetting is just part of growing up. They may never outgrow leaving dirty socks on the floor, but they will outgrow enuresis.

Bedwetting and Circadian Rhythms?

Ever hear of circadian rhythms? It’s basically this unseen force in your body that says, “It’s dark – you should sleep. It’s light – you should get up.” Of course, we mess that all up by staying up watching TV, having lights on, that kind of thing.  But here’s the other thing circadian rhythms do – they tell your body to speed up or slow down of various bodily functions – including urinating. Ahhhh – we may be onto something! Does your bedwetting child use a night light? Mine likes to sleep with a regular, full-sized lamp on all night. In fact, if we turn it off, he’ll pop awake and say, “Mom, you’re busted!” He’s not really afraid of the dark (or so he says!), but just likes it on.  I’m up for a few nights of experimenting – how about you? Of course, this may cost me a few bucks (bribe money!). I’d like to see what happens pee-wise if he sleeps in a dark room (even just with the hall light on instead of the one in his room). If you try it, let me know what happens.

Show the Bladder Who’s In Charge!

An under-developed bladder is one of the most common causes of bedwetting. But bladders don’t have to stay wimpy. You can put them through bladder boot camp and get ‘em good and ready for battle – The Battle of Bedwetting. 

You probably won’t find it on one of Jane Fonda’s workout videos, but there actually is an exercise for strengthening bladders. Doctors sometimes suggest exercises that can help your child learn to better control their bladder. For some children with Enuresis, holding their urine for as long as they can before going to the bathroom helps.  

Unlike some bedwetting techniques, this exercise is meant to strengthen your child’s body – not change their mindset. It can be one of the most effective approaches because the cause of bedwetting is usually physical. With daily repetition, this “hold the pee” exercise can help your child’s body develop more control over its bladder.  

Here’s how it works:

1.    Have your child tell you every time they have to use the bathroom

2.    Have your child hold their urine for a few minutes

3.    Once they’ve held it, have them go to the bathroom 

Of course, you also want to explain to your child that this exercise will help them with their bedwetting. Otherwise, your child will probably be rather perplexed by this new potty ritual.  

Repeat this exercise daily. Little by little, increase the amount of time that your child hold their urine before they go to the bathroom.  

In no time at all, they may be doing the “I gotta pee” dance all the way to a dry night!

More Than 50% of the Time Isn’t Too Shabby

Most children who wet the bed only do so at night. But there is a small percentage of children that have trouble making it to the bathroom during the day, too. If your child has bladder control problems both day and night, they might have an overactive bladder. Basically, they’re bladder is an overachiever, churning out pee 24/7! Children with an overactive bladder have to go to the bathroom much more frequently than others.  

You should see a doctor if you think your child might have an overactive bladder. The doctor will have advice for correcting the problem, and he or she can detect the possibility of any medical issues. Of course, bedwetting is very rarely caused by a serious medical condition. But, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Plus, you don’t want that overachieving bladder of theirs to interfere with school or other activities.  

Chances are, though, your child falls into the category of kids who only wet the bed at night. You can encourage your child by pointing out that they do well making it to the bathroom during the day. Explain the logic in kiddy terms – you’re able to get to the bathroom during the day, so, in time, you’ll able to do the same at night. This can be reassuring to children who feel babyish because of their bedwetting. Older children, in particular, might fear that they’re a hair’s breadth away from being back in diapers day and night. Reminding them that they don’t have trouble during the day will assure them that their potty training didn’t somehow come undone.

They’re beating the Vegas house odds, after all!

Dry Sheets Are at the End of the Tunnel

For kids who wet the bed, it may seem like there’s no end in sight. When you’re five, two months can feel like two years. That’s why it’s important to periodically remind your child that the problem won’t last forever. Bed wetting can seem like a huge deal to your child. They might feel embarrassed, ashamed, or even angry with themselves. Thinking the problem is going to drag on and on will only make the whole situation seem worse.  

A bleak outlook can lead to a “what’s the point?” attitude when you’re trying different techniques to help with the problem. 

If someone else in the family, like a big brother or sister, used to wet the bed, have them talk with your child. It might help to see living proof that eventually the problem really does go away.  You can sit down with your child and explain in kid-friendly terms what doctors have learned about bed wetting. Tell them that with all the kids in the world who’ve had trouble with wetting the bed, we’ve been able to learn that the problem goes away – and it doesn’t always take a long time. 

Pointing out their progress can also help your child see the light (or dry sheets?) at the end of the tunnel.  

They’ll realize that with their gradual improvements, the problem is getting smaller and smaller. Eventually, it will just disappear! When your child is feeling calmer and more self-assured, the two of you will have an easier time working on the problem.  

Check out our brand new book on bedwetting: Zumar and the Amazing Odyssey into Dry – a great book to read to your child, or for young readers to read to themselves – about causes and treatments for bedwetting. Be sure to sign up for the bedwetting help report while you’re there!

It Is Better to Give than to Receive – Especially When Loads of Laundry Are at Stake!

As Bing Crosby once said (or sang, rather), you’ve got to accentuate the positive! When your child makes it through the night dry, be sure to praise them. Positive reinforcement can go a long way towards motivating your child to keep working on the problem.  

I also found that a point system works well. Each dry night counts for one point. When your child reaches a certain number of points, they get a small prize or treat.  Or, you could also use different levels of prizes. For example, three points buys a piece of candy, five points means a small toy, and ten points is a trip to a fun place, like the zoo. Knowing a double-scoop cone from Baskin Robbins is at stake might keep them from balking at the “no drinks an hour before bedtime” rule. 

If money’s a little tight, your child can earn points towards a free pass on a messy room or an extra half-hour of cartoons.  Whichever route you decide to go, the prizes will serve as a goal your child can work towards. It’ll be that little extra boost to encourage them to really try at the techniques you’ve implemented.  

Even something as simple as a weekly chart can generate excitement and motivation. Every dry night gets a gold star on the chart. Let your child put the sticker on the chart themselves. Kids are very “I have to see it to believe it,” so a visual reminder of their progress can be very effective.  

So a hearty thanks to psychologist B.F. Skinner, whose work showed the world the wonders of positive reinforcement — I’m guessing he had a bed wetter!  If you haven’t gotten your copy of the free report “Got a Bedwetter? Top 10 Mistakes to Avoid” just visit www.bedwettinghelpformoms.com and request it.

Punishment is the Biggest Bedwetting No-No

If I could give parents only one piece of bedwetting advice, it would be to never punish your child for wetting the bed. Punishment won’t fix the problem, and it will make your child feel downright awful. In the end, I suspect that parents who punish their children for wetting the bed wind up feeling pretty lousy, too.  

A child who wets the bed isn’t simply being lazy.

In the vast majority of cases, they’re either very deep sleepers and/or they have an underdeveloped bladder. Punishing a child for wetting the bed will no more solve the problem than would grounding a child for having an asthma attack. 

Sometimes parents think that bedwetting is a form of “acting out.” They feel like some sort of punishment will show their child that bedwetting is an unacceptable way of expressing their feelings. Again, children who wet the bed aren’t doing it on purpose. It follows, then, that punishment won’t put an end to the bedwetting. 

Also, punishing your child will increase the feelings of shame associated with bedwetting. They’ll feel like they’re somehow a bad person. Emotional stress could actually make the problem worse. Occasionally, all kids willingly do things we consider outright gross, like eating crayons or covering themselves in mud from head to toe. Despite our child’s delight in the periodic yuck factor, no child would choose to wet the bed.  

It’s already an unpleasant experience for everyone.

The best approach is to find some way to shift the focus from “You failed because you wet the bed last night” to “Yay! You made it through the night dry!”  Be sure to sign up for your free copy of “Got a Bedwetter? Top 10 Mistakes to Avoid” by visiting www.bedwettinghelpformoms.com.

“Talk Back” from this weeks’ newsletter

From time to time, as readers share their struggles with trying to help their bedwetting children, (with their permission), I’ll post them here as well as in the Bedwetting Help for Moms (and Dads!) newsletter. If you’ve dealt with a similar situation, or have encouragement or advice to share, please do! If you’d like to share your own story, email it to info@bedwettinghelpformoms.com. Subscribe to the free bedwetting help newsletter (and a free report “Got a Bedwetter? Top 10 Mistakes to Avoid”) at http://www.bedwettinghelpformoms.com. 

 

Hi, I just recently found your newsletter and I just wanted to share my ‘nightmare’. My daughter was totally toilet trained by about 4 years of age. Tree years later she wet her pants in the middle of the day while we were out. Twice. She said she didn’t feel it coming. She started wetting her bed since then. This happened for about a week and then the day time wetting  stopped but the night time stayed. She wets twice a night. This has been going on for two years now. She’s turning 9 next month. Urine analysis is always clear. Kidney ultrasounds are fine. Stopping intake of water after dinner changes nothing. Me getting her up in the middle of the night might stop her doing one wee but I’m never in time for the next one. My hair is literally falling out from stress over this. She has become a very angry little girl because she feels so inadequate. Doctors don’t seen to listen when I tell them that she ‘was’ toilet trained and no, she hasn’t been molested, raped or in any other way damaged. I have decided to take charge of the situation myself and have requested an abdominal x-ray to see if there’s anything else happening. I’ll let you know if anything changes. 

Till then,

L

Tough Times Can Lead to Wet Beds

Emotional turmoil can sometimes trigger bedwetting. It’s definitely a less common cause, but it’s something you should look in to, especially if your family is going through a period of transition. Children thrive on routine. When something disrupts their world, bedwetting could be a result of the toll the event is taking on their mind and body.  

For example, a move can trigger bedwetting. New house, new school…that’s a lot changes being thrown at your little guy all at once. 

Another possible trigger is divorce. Even divorces involving minimal conflict are going to be really hard on a child. At a minimum, one of their parents will no longer be living under the same roof.  

Needless to say, adults get stressed out in these situations, too. It’s understandable that your child’s bedwetting might not be your top priority. For instance, if you’re dealing with the death of a loved, you might just change the sheets and forget about it.  

But bedwetting can be like a flashing red sign that your child is having trouble coping.  

It’s not as easy to make that connection as it would be with crying or lack of appetite. When your family is dealing with big changes, try to keep in mind that stress affects every person differently. Children especially are going to be affected by stress much differently than adults. 

There are a couple of ways you can cope with the bedwetting. Start by sitting down and talking to your child. Give them an opportunity to express their feelings and concerns. The two of you can probably find ways to help alleviate some of those worries. 

If that doesn’t seem to help, consider talking to a pediatrician or a child therapist.  

These folks are medical professionals. They’ve got a storehouse of ideas and advice for helping your child cope with what’s upsetting them.