Category Archives: Coping

More Than 50% of the Time Isn’t Too Shabby

Most children who wet the bed only do so at night. But there is a small percentage of children that have trouble making it to the bathroom during the day, too. If your child has bladder control problems both day and night, they might have an overactive bladder. Basically, they’re bladder is an overachiever, churning out pee 24/7! Children with an overactive bladder have to go to the bathroom much more frequently than others.  

You should see a doctor if you think your child might have an overactive bladder. The doctor will have advice for correcting the problem, and he or she can detect the possibility of any medical issues. Of course, bedwetting is very rarely caused by a serious medical condition. But, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Plus, you don’t want that overachieving bladder of theirs to interfere with school or other activities.  

Chances are, though, your child falls into the category of kids who only wet the bed at night. You can encourage your child by pointing out that they do well making it to the bathroom during the day. Explain the logic in kiddy terms – you’re able to get to the bathroom during the day, so, in time, you’ll able to do the same at night. This can be reassuring to children who feel babyish because of their bedwetting. Older children, in particular, might fear that they’re a hair’s breadth away from being back in diapers day and night. Reminding them that they don’t have trouble during the day will assure them that their potty training didn’t somehow come undone.

They’re beating the Vegas house odds, after all!

Dry Sheets Are at the End of the Tunnel

For kids who wet the bed, it may seem like there’s no end in sight. When you’re five, two months can feel like two years. That’s why it’s important to periodically remind your child that the problem won’t last forever. Bed wetting can seem like a huge deal to your child. They might feel embarrassed, ashamed, or even angry with themselves. Thinking the problem is going to drag on and on will only make the whole situation seem worse.  

A bleak outlook can lead to a “what’s the point?” attitude when you’re trying different techniques to help with the problem. 

If someone else in the family, like a big brother or sister, used to wet the bed, have them talk with your child. It might help to see living proof that eventually the problem really does go away.  You can sit down with your child and explain in kid-friendly terms what doctors have learned about bed wetting. Tell them that with all the kids in the world who’ve had trouble with wetting the bed, we’ve been able to learn that the problem goes away – and it doesn’t always take a long time. 

Pointing out their progress can also help your child see the light (or dry sheets?) at the end of the tunnel.  

They’ll realize that with their gradual improvements, the problem is getting smaller and smaller. Eventually, it will just disappear! When your child is feeling calmer and more self-assured, the two of you will have an easier time working on the problem.  

Check out our brand new book on bedwetting: Zumar and the Amazing Odyssey into Dry – a great book to read to your child, or for young readers to read to themselves – about causes and treatments for bedwetting. Be sure to sign up for the bedwetting help report while you’re there!

It Is Better to Give than to Receive – Especially When Loads of Laundry Are at Stake!

As Bing Crosby once said (or sang, rather), you’ve got to accentuate the positive! When your child makes it through the night dry, be sure to praise them. Positive reinforcement can go a long way towards motivating your child to keep working on the problem.  

I also found that a point system works well. Each dry night counts for one point. When your child reaches a certain number of points, they get a small prize or treat.  Or, you could also use different levels of prizes. For example, three points buys a piece of candy, five points means a small toy, and ten points is a trip to a fun place, like the zoo. Knowing a double-scoop cone from Baskin Robbins is at stake might keep them from balking at the “no drinks an hour before bedtime” rule. 

If money’s a little tight, your child can earn points towards a free pass on a messy room or an extra half-hour of cartoons.  Whichever route you decide to go, the prizes will serve as a goal your child can work towards. It’ll be that little extra boost to encourage them to really try at the techniques you’ve implemented.  

Even something as simple as a weekly chart can generate excitement and motivation. Every dry night gets a gold star on the chart. Let your child put the sticker on the chart themselves. Kids are very “I have to see it to believe it,” so a visual reminder of their progress can be very effective.  

So a hearty thanks to psychologist B.F. Skinner, whose work showed the world the wonders of positive reinforcement — I’m guessing he had a bed wetter!  If you haven’t gotten your copy of the free report “Got a Bedwetter? Top 10 Mistakes to Avoid” just visit www.bedwettinghelpformoms.com and request it.

Punishment is the Biggest Bedwetting No-No

If I could give parents only one piece of bedwetting advice, it would be to never punish your child for wetting the bed. Punishment won’t fix the problem, and it will make your child feel downright awful. In the end, I suspect that parents who punish their children for wetting the bed wind up feeling pretty lousy, too.  

A child who wets the bed isn’t simply being lazy.

In the vast majority of cases, they’re either very deep sleepers and/or they have an underdeveloped bladder. Punishing a child for wetting the bed will no more solve the problem than would grounding a child for having an asthma attack. 

Sometimes parents think that bedwetting is a form of “acting out.” They feel like some sort of punishment will show their child that bedwetting is an unacceptable way of expressing their feelings. Again, children who wet the bed aren’t doing it on purpose. It follows, then, that punishment won’t put an end to the bedwetting. 

Also, punishing your child will increase the feelings of shame associated with bedwetting. They’ll feel like they’re somehow a bad person. Emotional stress could actually make the problem worse. Occasionally, all kids willingly do things we consider outright gross, like eating crayons or covering themselves in mud from head to toe. Despite our child’s delight in the periodic yuck factor, no child would choose to wet the bed.  

It’s already an unpleasant experience for everyone.

The best approach is to find some way to shift the focus from “You failed because you wet the bed last night” to “Yay! You made it through the night dry!”  Be sure to sign up for your free copy of “Got a Bedwetter? Top 10 Mistakes to Avoid” by visiting www.bedwettinghelpformoms.com.

Aha, That’s Why It Didn’t Work!

Sometimes physicians prescribe desmopressin to help treat bedwetting. It’s usually prescribed as a nasal spray. It works for many children (at least as a temporary fix – so something good to keep in mind for traveling, sleepovers, and camp). In fact, studies show it seems to work pretty well for about 70% of bedwetters.  

But what about the other 30%? What’s going on there? I know it didn’t work for our family. About all it did was give him a runny nose and a bunch of grumbling! Turns out, a study done in Denmark shows that the kids it didn’t work for have a higher level of sodium and urea in their urine than the kids it worked for. 

That’s right – sodium and urea. Just like the two ingredients that make cat pee stink so bad when it’s in your carpet or upholstery. This explains some things, don’t you think? If you’ve ever stood in your laundry room and felt like you might keel over, this is why. Sodium and urea biodegrade the longer they’re on the laundry.

I’m not going to get all scientific, but the upshot is that bacteria love this stuff, and do their thing in it. The result? P.U.! Anyhow, this hormone-like substance is the culprit. If you’re having a hard time, here’s a product that helps eliminate urine odor – I’ve found it very helpful. Don’t know how it works, except that it uses enzymes to naturally eliminate the critters that cause the stink. Let me know how it works for you.

“Talk Back” from this weeks’ newsletter

From time to time, as readers share their struggles with trying to help their bedwetting children, (with their permission), I’ll post them here as well as in the Bedwetting Help for Moms (and Dads!) newsletter. If you’ve dealt with a similar situation, or have encouragement or advice to share, please do! If you’d like to share your own story, email it to info@bedwettinghelpformoms.com. Subscribe to the free bedwetting help newsletter (and a free report “Got a Bedwetter? Top 10 Mistakes to Avoid”) at http://www.bedwettinghelpformoms.com

 

Hi, I just recently found your newsletter and I just wanted to share my ‘nightmare’. My daughter was totally toilet trained by about 4 years of age. Tree years later she wet her pants in the middle of the day while we were out. Twice. She said she didn’t feel it coming. She started wetting her bed since then. This happened for about a week and then the day time wetting  stopped but the night time stayed. She wets twice a night. This has been going on for two years now. She’s turning 9 next month. Urine analysis is always clear. Kidney ultrasounds are fine. Stopping intake of water after dinner changes nothing. Me getting her up in the middle of the night might stop her doing one wee but I’m never in time for the next one. My hair is literally falling out from stress over this. She has become a very angry little girl because she feels so inadequate. Doctors don’t seen to listen when I tell them that she ‘was’ toilet trained and no, she hasn’t been molested, raped or in any other way damaged. I have decided to take charge of the situation myself and have requested an abdominal x-ray to see if there’s anything else happening. I’ll let you know if anything changes. 

Till then,

L

Peas and Pee: Ask Your Child’s Opinion

 Kids and parents often disagree on what qualifies as a good idea – eating your peas before your chocolate pudding comes to mind. Bedwetting solutions are no exception. A technique you think is a great might sound like sheer misery to your child. 

For lots of reasons (our child’s comfort as well as our own sanity!) we’re looking for ways to end the bedwetting ASAP. When you read about the different techniques, there’s a temptation to rush to Target and start buying charts, stickers, and absorbent undergarments. Before you go shopping for pee gear, sit down and ask your child which approach they feel most comfortable with.  

One big reason is that certain techniques will only work with your child’s whole-hearted participation. 

Another reason is that all kids are different. For some, a given technique might feel really embarrassing, and then your good intentions will wind up being counterproductive. For instance, a three-year-old probably won’t be phased by absorbent undergarments. A six-year-old, however, might cry foul at what they perceive as a quasi-diaper. 

A child may be willing to try a technique at first, but after time, they may discover that they don’t like it. 

Be open to switching approaches. In the end, you’ll be more successful than if you insisted on forging ahead with a plan that’s in place but ineffective.  And hey, let’s be honest. No one likes to waste money. Some techniques, such as bedwetting alarms, can cost you a pretty penny. I definitely wouldn’t be thrilled to find out that the fairly pricey gadget makes my child feel like one of Dr. Frankenstein’s experiments!

Taking Care of the Skin They’re In

Bedwetting has very few physical side effects. One thing to watch out for, though, is skin irritation. You don’t want to share this analogy with your child (eek!), but you can think of it as diaper rash. If a baby is left in a wet diaper too long, their skin gets really irritated. Laying in urine for several hours will have the same effect.  

For your child, skin problems can be a painful (literally!) reminder of the problem. Plus, they might find it kind of scary to have a rash in such sensitive areas. 

The skin irritation isn’t dangerous. Once the bedwetting stops, the irritation or rash will go away. In the mean time, there are some simple ways to prevent and treat it.  The possibility for irritation is greater for children who wear absorbent garments. Be sure that you’ve chosen the right size. If the leg or waist band is too snug, those areas will be especially prone to irritation. You might find that you have to experiment with several brands before you get the right fit. Also, shop around for a brand that has a top layer designed to keep moisture away from the skin. 

Another important step is making sure that your child is thoroughly cleaned off after accidents happen. 

Make sure that your child washes off the area well. Give them a soft sponge to use for cleaning—keep the exfoliating loofah far out of reach! Applying a good ointment before bed time can also help.   If the problem persists or seems to get worse, check with your pediatrician.

Well, THAT’s Not Going to Work!

OK – settled in after vacation. Our first night up at the plate again. We’re ready to roll. The alarm’s in place (or, so I think). The kid’s in bed. I’m not hearing anything – you parents know that too-good-to-be-true silence I’m talking about.  

I go check on him, and he’s fast asleep – good sign. But, he’s unhooked the sensor end, and is holding it in his hand. No wonder it’s quiet! Unless he’s sweating profusely on his palms, that sensor’s going to be silent all night! Why did he do this? Why is the sky blue? It’s just one of life’s little mysteries.  

Compliance is, apparently, going to be the sticking point here.  

Having had some incredible training through Klemmer & Associates (www.klemmer.com), I’ve learned a thing or two about compliance vs. commitment.  

Compliance is doing what you’ve got to do – and usually leads to doing it begrudgingly or half-heartedly at best. It’s like flossing your teeth – nobody really likes it… but it beats getting yelled at by the dentist, right?  

Commitment, on the other hand, implies you’re fully on-board. You’re ready to play full-out. You’re fully invested, with a no-matter-what attitude.  

So, how do you move your bedwetter from compliance to commitment where it concerns bedwetting remedies?  

You’ve got a couple of choices – a carrot, or a stick. The carrot is something your child wants – the stick is something they don’t want. Either way, it’s got to be something your child cares about. Yes, even kids are savvy enough to ask, “What’s in it for me?”  

I’m thinking stickers on a chart aren’t going to cut it! In fact, for a carrot, we may have to look at cold, hard cash to move him to being committed. It would be a fair trade – up to some dollar amount, say the amount we’re paying for pull-ups. Stick-wise, we could bark up the same tree. It would really stink, as a kid, to have to put your own allowance into play to cover the expense of pull-ups — all because you chose not to give this alarm a full-out chance to do its thing. Right?  

What do you think? I’m up for ideas!

Back in the Malem Alarm Groove – Starting Again Tonight

 

OK – so maybe it wasn’t my brightest idea yet to start him with a bedwetting alarm just a few days before we left on vacation. It seemed as good a time as any! Chalk it up to experience, and let’s move on.  

Too funny – as we were packing up to leave, I made one final pass through the room to make sure we weren’t leaving anything behind. In one of those, “I thought YOU packed the stuff in the drawers” moments, I realized we’d nearly left the kids’ clothing behind. And of course, in that same drawer, our brand new bedwetting alarm!  

That would be a heck of a surprise tonight when we start the system again! Wonder what housekeeping would have done with that? At least it’s better than the time we nearly left our dear deceased guinea pig behind on top of the armoire.  

Long story short, the poor thing didn’t survive the heat on our drive to FL (even with A/C – and no, we didn’t leave it in the car!). Having nowhere to bury it that night (we were closing on a house the next day), and not wanting to chuck it into the dumpster, my hubby wrapped it in a shirt and put it on top of the armoire. In the confusion of leaving the next morning, it got left behind. About halfway out of the parking lot, DH remembered and made a beeline to retrieve it from the room. Now that would have been one freaked-out housekeeper!  

Parenting… never dull.