The Morning Pee Report

Telling your parents you wet the bed.  

That’s right up there with cleaning your room, taking a spelling test, and going to the dentist – all in the same day! To make it easier on your child, try coming up with a system for the morning pee report (perhaps you want to give it a different name).  

Your child will feel less embarrassed if they can count on a time and place to talk to you quietly in private. See if you can set aside some a regular time each morning to be available to your child.  

It’s important to make sure your child doesn’t have to tell you in front of their brothers and sisters. Siblings are notorious teasers. But even if their only sibling is a 17-year-old sister that would never tease, your child still doesn’t want to announce  

“I wet the bed. Please pass the Cheerios,” 

at the breakfast table.  

Another good idea is to have a system where your child checks in with you every morning – whether or not they wet the bed. For instance, you might make a chart where the two of you mark wet and dry nights. That way your child doesn’t have to approach you solely to report accidents. It will be like a daily routine rather than a dreaded confessional. Your morning time together will be a way to show your child their progress and can actually be a positive thing. 

Children really do take comfort in routines. With a system in place, your child won’t feel like the “I wet the bed” report is a disruption to everyone’s morning ritual.

Power to the Little People – Let Your Child Help with the Clean-Up

Feeling helpless really stinks – even when you’re a kid. 

If it helps your child cope with their bedwetting, let them help you change the sheets. It can make them feel like they’re taking an active role in solving the problem. Of course, the buzzword “proactive” probably isn’t in your 4 year old’s vocabulary, but the satisfaction of taking control is the same for kids and adults.  

Wetting the bed will probably make your child feel babyish.  

Assisting you with a “grownup” chore can help with those feelings. Acknowledging and coping with the problem head-on can also alleviate feelings of shame and embarrassment.  You have to walk a bit of a thin line with this one. You definitely don’t want the cleaning up to seem like a punishment. When one of my friends was a kid, her parents thought that raking leaves would make her think twice about breaking curfew. Another did penance by washing the baseboards in her house. If you sometimes assign extra household chores as a punishment, you’ll want to be extra careful when suggesting that your child help.  

I wouldn’t suggest handing your child a pile of sheets and saying, “Get to it.”  

Instead, make it something the two of you do together. Your child need only take on a small role to feel important. For instance, let your child pick out which set of sheets they want to put on. Even a young child can wrestle pillows into pillowcases. They can also spray the bedding and mattress cover with an enzyme-based cleaner to kill the urine odor.

We’ve talked about the “post-pee” ritual that will make your child more comfortable telling you they wet the bed. Giving them a few regular clean-up tasks is a good addition to the ritual. Participating in the clean-up process can give your child a sense of accomplishment when facing a problem that makes them feel helpless.  

The Perfect Storm?

I’ve been doing some reading about diaper dependency.  

Gosh – who knew this would ever be a term that we’d have in our vocabulary? Basically, it’s the idea that perhaps kids pee because they know they can. After all, who really wants to get up and go in the middle of the night?  

It’s a line of discussion that goes dangerously close to the point of saying that bedwetting kids wet because 1) they’re lazy, 2) they don’t care, or 3) they choose to. And I’m not going anywhere near there. I know better. No matter how lazy a kid may be in terms of cleaning up Legos, doing chores around the house, or even completely erasing a math homework error before writing the correct answer —  

Laziness is not a big enough motivator to make a kid want to wet the bed.  

However, when your child is learning to stay dry during the day, it’s hard to feel the full effects of a pee accident if they’re wearing an absorbent pull-up. There comes a time when you’ve got to chuck the pull-ups and try it without that safety net. With a pull-up, a kid’s going to have a hard time realizing they’ve had an accident. Maybe it’s the same thing with nighttime enuresis.  

This seems like a good time to do an experiment – since we’re currently between sizes (adult sizes are too big; kid sizes are too small).  

We’re going to let him go without anything for a few days – just to see what happens.  

Theoretically, it shouldn’t be a big deal:·        I’m already doing pee laundry every day anyway (absorbent pull-ups? ehhhh, not really) so it’s not going to make much difference. ·        We’ve got a good waterproof mattress cover, so it’s not going to do any harm.·        He’s already learned to be responsible for taking care of his skin, showering every day.·        I’ll solemnly promise – and you can hold me to it! – not to complain if it doesn’t work. 

Who knows? It could work. He’s nearing the magic age some of his relatives were when their enuresis stopped. Could this be the perfect storm of circumstances? I’ll let you know. 

How’s he doing with all of this?  

That’s something that makes me really proud – he’s such a cool kid. It’s made him pretty compassionate about other kids with medical problems or challenges. I’ve never heard him say anything even slightly unkind about someone’s challenges. He’s gotten pretty good at talking about it – and, thankfully, nails me any time I complain or make him feel bad about his problem. (Wish I could say I’ve never said anything I wish I hadn’t.) He’s even written a little book about the whole bedwetting issue. If I can get him to illustrate it, I’ll do it up as a PDF so you can download it. He’s always been really encouraged to hear about other kids (and adults) who have or had the same struggle. So he’s hoping his little book will help other kids. Now that’s something that makes for a really cool kid – and a very proud mom. 

 

 

 

In for the Long Haul

OK, this whole enuresis thing has been a barrel of monkeys so far, but I never thought it would last so long. It’s definitely become more of a marathon than a sprint, and the novelty has worn off for all of us.  

Big Kids – Bigger Problem 

What do you do when your child outgrows the biggest size of pull-ups at the grocery store, but isn’t big enough for adult bedwetting products? Well, being an internet savvy mom, of course you start looking online – that’s what. 

Without a whole lot of searching, I found a site selling Tranquility brand products. You buy them by the case. They’re supposed to be much more absorbent than the pull-ups you can get at a store. They even offer a free trial – you just pick the size you want and ask. Our sample came within just a couple of days – very speedy! 

Technical Difficulties 

The only trick is – and I messed this up big time – actually measuring your child before you order. I know his weight, but had no clue about his waist size. Took a guess (guessed wrong!) and gave it a shot. Also, you’ve got to be careful to order pull-ups (as opposed to diapers) if that’s what you want. Since I was on a roll with messing the whole thing up, I ordered a sample diaper – a way too small sample diaper, in fact.  

My son is finally speaking to me again after this disaster – even though it was kind of a humiliating experience. I mean, imagine yourself trying on a diaper – a small diaper. It’s not exactly an image boost, huh? It wasn’t much better for a pre-teen. We can laugh about it now… maybe. 

So, the hunt continues. We’ll probably give it another shot, and I’ll do my best to ensure there’s no operator error this time around.  

What have YOU tried? What’s worked? What’s been a disaster?

What’s Up, Doc?

Most of the time, bedwetting is not a serious medical condition.

However, in some instances it can be the result of an undiagnosed medical issue that calls for immediate attention. The only way to rule out that possibility is to visit your family doctor. Knowing that the bedwetting isn’t a symptom of a more critical condition can be a big relief. 

Multiple different medical conditions can potentially lead to bedwetting. Here are some of the possible underlying medical issues:

 ·        Diabetes·        Urine infection·        Allergies·        Deficiency of the antidiuretic hormone·        Spinal cord abnormalities·        Urethral valve abnormalities (boys) or ureter abnormalities (girls)·        Under-developed bladder 

To help your doctor make the most full and accurate assessment, you should prepare in advance for the appointment. Your doctor will need an overview of your child’s bathroom habits, both day and night. Keeping a diary of that information will be a big help.

Pay particular attention to the following factors/details:

·        At what times of day does your child urinate?·        How often does your child urinate?·        Is your child under unusual stress on the occasions that he/she wets the bed?·        Does the bedwetting tend to occur after your child drinks certain beverages (such as soda)? Also, your doctor will want to know about your family history and your child’s general health. Note whether you experienced bedwetting as a child, and find out the same about your child’s other parent.  

Additionally, be prepared to discuss whether:

 ·        There is something unusual about your child’s urination—both how it looks and the way in which your child urinates·        Your child is on any medication·        Your child has ADD/ADHD·        Your child has ever wet himself/herself during the day Of course, if you are considering the possibility of medication, seeing a doctor is the first step. 

 

Stay Mellow, Fellow

If your child is wetting the bed, it’s best to make like a hippie and stay mellow.  

Children are really perceptive. I’m sure you’ve witnessed your child’s power of observation – probably during a dinner at your mother-in-law’s house. “You’re wrong mom. There’s no way one of these dinner rolls is hard enough to break a window.” 

Given their highly observant nature, your child will pick up on any sign of anxiety. They’re probably experiencing some anxiety of their own. You want to help calm their nerves, not stoke the fire. Try to be low-key in your approach to the problem.  

Like I’ve said before, you should start by telling your child that bedwetting is normal.  

Tell them they don’t need to worry and that it eventually stops. Then we as moms have to do our best to take our own advice – don’t worry! 

Stay low-key with your treatments, too. You want to find ways to help, but you also don’t want your remedies to be constant reminders of the problem. Don’t let a little tinkle take over your life! 

Your approach is key.  

For example, having your child go to the bathroom right before bed might help. You only have to explain it once, and then simply remind your child to use the bathroom at bed time. Let it become a habit. You don’t have to mention the bedwetting every night.   

I’ve also found that it’s best not to make a big production out of the clean-up process – no chem gear and hazardous disposal bins. Seriously, though, my bet is that sheet-changing hoopla is one of the toughest parts for a child that wets the bed. Try a simple, “It’s all right. We’ll get this cleaned up real quick and put on some new sheets.”

Who’s Afraid of the Big, Bad Wet Bed?

Bedwetting doesn’t have to be a big deal.

You should take the problem seriously, but you don’t want to make a b-line for panic mode. Who knows? If you overreact, you might have a child that grows up to suffer from clinophobia (the fear of going to bed). Just joking, of course! The point is to show your concern in an appropriate way. Basically, it’s up to you to set the tone. 

The way you word things is important.

For example: 

Good: “Lots of kids your age wet the bed sometimes. You know what? Your dad used to wet the bed when he was little. I know that waking up in a wet bed is pretty icky. I’ve got some ideas to help you have fewer accidents.”  

Bad: “Primary nocturnal Enuresis is a common problem amongst young children. In fact, it is even genetic. You probably inherited this condition from your father. I have researched some methods for overcoming Enuresis.” 

You’ll likely try a few different techniques to help your child stop wetting the bed.

As you explain these techniques, keep the tone positive, upbeat, and not overly serious. You don’t want your child to mistake your help for a sign that something’s seriously wrong. This is particularly important if your child is a worrier by nature.  

Bedwetting seems like a huge deal when you’re in the thick of it. But in the scheme of things, it’s not so bad. Save the worrying for when your five-year old becomes a teenager with a driver’s license! 

 

 

Put on YOUR Big Girl Panties and Deal with It

Bedwetting can be a very emotional issue – for parents and children.

Embarrassment, frustration, shame…it’s like a soap opera without the evil twins and frequent bouts of amnesia. Seriously, though, there have been polls that suggest Enuresis is one of the most stressful events for a family to deal with.  

For those reasons, you definitely want to overcome all the emotions first. As a parent it’s particularly important to get all your feelings sorted out. You’ve got to be level-headed and patient throughout all of this.  

But let’s face it. All the warm fuzzies in the world aren’t going to change the sheets for you.

Dealing with all the emotions is the first step, not the only step. Once you’ve helped your child cope, it’s time to take action.  

Your child’s bedwetting will eventually go away. Technically, I suppose, you can sit back and let nature take its course, but it’s not good idea. Enuresis is bound to be tough on your child. Why prolong it? It’s hardly a box of bon bons for you either.  

Unless you dance for joy at the site of a full laundry basket, you want to do what you can speed up the process. Luckily, there are many reliable methods for helping your child overcome bedwetting. Some are simple, like having your child go to the bathroom right before bed. Others are a bit more involved, such as bedwetting “alarms.”  

Millions (perhaps billions if there were little baby nomads wetting the tent…) of parents have dealt with Enuresis. You can benefit from their failures and successes. There’s a lot of advice out there. You’ll have no trouble putting together a plan of action that works for you and your child.

Plan for Pee

Lessen the stress for you and your child 

Of course bedwetting is no fun for your child. But it’s not exactly an afternoon of spa treatments and shoe shopping for you, either. Dealing with bedwetting is unpleasant, but there are ways you can make the problem less stressful for the whole family. 

Knocking on your bedroom to door to say, “I wet the bed” is probably something your child dreads. To help alleviate feelings of embarrassment, come up with a step-by-step process for dealing with it, a protocol of sorts.  

Letting you know when it happens is the first step.

If the child is old enough, the second step could be having them pull of the sheets. Placing the sheets in a laundry basket comes third, and so on. Keep listing out the steps all the way up to putting clean sheets on the bed. 

It’s okay to feel frustrated or annoyed by dealing with dirty sheets. Even the most patient souls among will occasionally let an exasperated sigh slip out. But visible irritation on your part will make your child feel lousy.  

So, be proactive and take some steps to expedite the clean-up process.

Keep several sets of clean sheets in your child’s closet. And keep a bucket of the necessary cleaners in a handy place. You’ll be surprised how much easier (and faster) the clean-up will be if you’re not dashing from room to room. 

If the bedwetting is a common occurrence, account for that in your morning schedule – although you might not want to write “pee duty” in your daily agenda.  

 

Not All Pees Are Created Equal

Two types of bedwetting, two types of treatment

Treatment for your child’s bedwetting depends on which type of enuresis your child is dealing with: primary or secondary.

Primary Nocturnal Enuresis is the more common of the two.

 

With primary Enuresis, bedwetting has been a common and consistent occurrence since early childhood. Your child has never stayed dry all night for an extended period of time (two or three months). What’s this mean? PNE’s become part of your everyday life. You and your child may feel like it’ll never stop (although the odds really are in your favor!).

Secondary Nocturnal Enuresis, on the other hand, is like a relapse of sorts.

 

Your child went at least 6 months without wetting the bed but has recently started wetting it again. In this situation, something caused your child to start wetting the bed again. To treat the bedwetting, you have to find out what that something is. It’s one of those times you get to play ‘Clue’ for real!

 

If your child is dealing with primary nocturnal enuresis, the best treatment is said to be the “tincture of time.” That is, your child will eventually outgrow it. It’s very unlikely that the bedwetting is a sign of a deeper issue.

 

Secondary enuresis, however, calls for a visit to your family doctor. Some type of problem, either medical or emotional, is triggering the bedwetting. Unlike primary bedwetting, it won’t simply “go away.” In fact, secondary bedwetting could be a symptom of a serious medical condition. (But don’t freak out! It’s always better to know exactly what you’re dealing with – even when it’s a little scary.) Diabetes, a urinary tract infection, or a neurological problem could be the root cause of the bedwetting.

 

Stress could also be the trigger. A traumatic experience, like a recent death or divorce, or a major life change, such as the birth of a new baby, can cause secondary bedwetting.

For most kids, bedwetting is just a bump in the road of childhood, unpleasant but nothing to be alarmed by.

 

However, if your child’s history suggests that a recent incident is the result of secondary bedwetting, make an appointment with a physician. You – and your child – will sleep better at night.